Book Review: Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex by Angela Chen

Hey all, Sam here.

Happy Pride Month! Each week this month I’ve been talking about a book about asexuality, whether that is a non-fiction sort of introductory book or a fiction book with an Ace main character. Yes, I know that there are so many more wonderful and beautiful romantic and sexual identities out there, and I do talk about a number of those throughout the year…but this year I’ve been embracing my own identity a bit more than in the past, and I want to highlight that more.

If you’ve missed my previous posts, you can find I Am Ace and Sounds Fake But Okay at the links included here.

This is probably the most non-fiction books I’ve read together since my college days. It’s been fun and interesting. That’s for sure. Okay, let’s get started.

An engaging exploration of what it means to be asexual in a world that’s obsessed with sexual attraction, and what we can all learn about desire and identity by using an ace lens to see the world

What exactly is sexual attraction and what is it like to go through the world not experiencing it? What does asexuality reveal about consent, about compromise, about the structures of society? This exceedingly accessible guide to asexuality shows that the issues that aces face—confusion around sexual activity, the intersection of sexuality and identity, navigating different needs in relationships—are conflicts that all of us need to address as we move through the world.

Through interviews, cultural criticism, and memoir, ACE invites all readers to consider big-picture issues through the lens of asexuality, because every place that sexuality touches our world, asexuality does too.

Journalist Angela Chen uses her own journey of self-discovery as an asexual person to unpretentiously educate and vulnerably connect with readers, effortlessly weaving analysis of sexuality and societally imposed norms with interviews of ace people. Among those included are the woman who had blood tests done because she was convinced that “not wanting sex” was a sign of serious illness, and the man who grew up in an evangelical household and did everything “right,” only to realize after marriage that his experience of sexuality had never been the same as that of others. Also represented are disabled aces, aces of color, non-gender-conforming aces questioning whether their asexuality is a reaction against stereotypes, and aces who don’t want romantic relationships asking how our society can make room for them.

My Thoughts

Rating: 4 stars

The ONLY reason I’m giving this a 4 star instead of a 5 star is because unlike the other two Ace books I’ve reviewed as Pride Month bonus posts, this one is way more academic non-fiction. The other two books are a little easier to approach, reading more like a conversation than a lecture.

But I can’t deny that I got a lot of information from this book. I had a set of book flags and found myself taking note of certain points or sentences that just resonated with me. I don’t think I made as many notations as I did with I Am Ace, but it was still quite a lot.

What was absolutely fascinating with this book is how it presented information about desire and attraction and sex. There were so many studies done, as well as a lot of misunderstanding and misleading information spread around. And honestly, it’s the misconceptions that stem from the misleading information that has aided in a lack of understanding when it comes to Asexuality.

I’m glad I waited until I had read a couple other books before reading this one, because I already had a decent understanding of a lot of the terminology and the concepts that were explored in a deeper and more technical way here. I still feel like Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex broadened my understanding and increased my knowledge base of myself and my A-spec identity.

I actually was talking to one of my new co-workers the other day and we started talking about Asexuality. She said she didn’t understand it, and asked why people can’t just be, why we feel the need to come up with all these terms and labels for everything. It was an interesting question, but I feel like for me, being able to finally put a label on on how I’ve felt and thought for so long has helped me understand myself in a much deeper way. Finding the right terms and reading more about those terms has highlighted even more about myself that I didn’t realize was an indication of my position on the spectrum that is Asexuality.

Being able to define things helps me to have a deeper understanding of that thing. Words are important. Knowledge is important.

And because I believe that knowing things helps us understand those things better, I am talking about Asexuality because I think we can all benefit by more of us knowing about what it does and doesn’t mean.

I heard the term Asexuality in terms of sexuality and not scientific reproduction for the first time in my early 20s, but didn’t really start learning about what Asexuality was until my mid-to-late 20s. It felt like there wasn’t a whole lot of information out there. We’re starting to get more books about the topic, and we’re starting to see more folks openly talking about being Ace on social media. So that’s a step in the right direction.

I can’t help but wonder how much different my life would have been if I had had easy access to knowledge about Asexuality when I was growing up. Maybe I wouldn’t have spent so many years wondering if I was broken, wondering what was wrong with me because I just didn’t feel the same way about boys or girls or anything that my friends and classmates seemed to be feeling.

The end of this book about Asexuality by Angela Chen includes a list of books for further reading, so between that and the further reading lists from the other books, I have plenty more that I can read so I can keep deepening my own knowledge base. I have found them to be incredibly helpful, and it has been quite beautiful to feel more like I belong and like I’m okay and not alone out there.

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Well, that is all from me for now. Thank you so much for stopping by, and I’ll be back later with a bonus post, as well as back soon with more geeky content.